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Tom Hanks lookalike Paul Burrell

6 December, 2004

So here we are, down to the last day in the jungle. With Janet out, Paul - the Tom Hanks lookalike! - was as happy as a pig in shit, to coin Fran's words.

With three celebrities left, three meals to win, three separate Bushtucker Trials to endure and win a three course meal for the three stars.

Fran's trial was Eel Helmet, with surprise appearances by goldfish, spiders and, of course, eels. At timed intervals more water was pumped into his helmet along with some friends! First trial down, five stars collected, one course collected and two to go.

Paul's trial consisted of Bushtucker Banquet, though he was given a choice of his favourite meals he endured the tucker with much pluck. His first course, night creepers or spaghetti bolognese. Second course was beetle lavae or fish, chips and mushy peas. His impression of a man in an electric chair and his comment that he had tasted its bottom, was hilarious but it got better.

The third course of cockroaches chomped, though he didn't know whether to stand up or sit down and got the legs stuck in his teeth, was completed though you knew he would have preferred the sausage and mash offered up to him.

Got some balls

The fourth course of cheese fruit, or vomit fruit as it is locally known, against chocolate cheesecake, bought the words "I've never seen that in the fruit bowl at Balmoral" while Ant & Dec creased up.

The final - and worst course - was bush oysters; against oysters and chilled champagne; with his legs doing a terrific impression of Roadrunner beneath the table as he ripped his shirt open and tried to keep the Kangaroo testicle down.

Finally triumphant, he thanked the hosts for a wonderful dinner where the service was ok but the food crap.

Having completed this you had to have nothing but respect for him. Again, he showed himself to be utterly worthy of being crowned the King.

Joe's task had him buried underground in a coffin for five minutes while rats were released to join him and nibble his jacobs. He said after that mit was minging and couldn't have done it if he had seen them beforehand.

The phone vote paused, the first celebrity voted out on the live final was Fran, then the phone lines re-opened and within fifteen minutes the King of the Jungle was known. Would it be Joe or Paul?

With all the celebs brought back into the camp (how did Natalie get across the bridge?) the announcement was made that the winner, and King of this series, was Joe - Joe - why? Oh well!

Commiserations to Paul and well done to Joe and good luck to the charities who will benefit from the monies raised. I still think that Paul was the more entertaining in there and is still my Queen of the Jungle after all!


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